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Breaking the News to See What's Inside! |
| Volume 3 Issue 3 | PURGAMENTUM INIT, EXIT PURGAMENTUM | Semptember 2005 |
| CURRENT ISSUE | ARCHIVES | ADVERTISING | SUBSCRIPTIONS | WHO DO WE THINK WE ARE? | NOT FEATURED |
BUY THIS ISSUE From the Editorial Dusk National/World News: New Racial Group Identified in Wake of Katrina White House Rallies in Face of Katrina Criticism Bush Calls on Nation to Sacrifice Pullout from Texas Revives Oslo Accords and Hopes for Middle West Alaska State News: Fairbanks Burro Ass- embly Earns Award Noah's Ark Discovered in Fairbanks Addvice & Entertainment: Dr. Geyges Advises: Dr. G's Guide for the Perplexed |
Dr. Geyges, noted lecturer, teacher, and author of Right Rites and Practical Practices for the Theologically Challenged, brings solace to The Giant Cabbage readers through considered analysis and sound advice. Send questions to: The Giant Cabbage, Attn: Dr. Geyges, PO Box 121, Ester, AK 99725 e-mail: DrGeyges@thegiantcabbage.com Dear Dr. Geyges! I've made a terrible mistake!! My whole life ruined…and when I die I'll spend eternity being returned and returned as a carrion beetle!! Dr. Geyges, I read your advice column regularly and desperately hope by some slim chance you can suggest a miracle??! You see, Dear Dr. Geyges, I am--or was--a graduate student in biology and was almost done with my research into the effects of global warming on the mating patterns of the Indian water buffalo. I passed my comprehensives a year ago with outstanding marks and was working on my dissertation ….. it's all gone! I've thrown it all away with my wicked actions!! You see, Dr Geyges, I rented a room in the home of Prof. Banduhri; who was also my major professor. I had lived with Prof. Banduhri and his wife Lakshmi for two years, when last fall he left for the US for a semester as a guest professor at UCLA… One night after Prof. Banduhri had left for the US, I was working late and Lakshmi brought me a glass of warm yogurt and started stroking my hair…and suddenly it happened… and that was just the beginning… I forgot all about global warming and my work with water buffalo When Prof. Banduhri returned two weeks ago, he knew at once what had happened and he sent Lakshmi back to her parents and evicted me from his house….he also told me to forget my degree. But the worst of it all was that he informed me that because I had violated my Guru's bed, for endless rebirths I would return as a carrion beetle feeding on the dead and decaying flesh of mice and rats and other animal corpses. Dr. Geyges! …It's beginning! At night I'm dreaming I am a bright orange striped carrion beetle!! I'm afraid to kill myself because that would only bring me back at once! What can I do?? Help! I'm trapped in a terrible karmic cycle! Ram, desperate in Delhi, India. Dear Desperate in Delhi, The relationship of student to teacher in most traditions should be a mixture of fear and respect. If this is not the case, then the educational process breaks down and the entire social fabric is in danger. It is for this reason that the Hindu Laws of Manu (Book II rules #194206) are particularly strict in identifying acceptable behaviors in this relationship. For example, a student should not pronounce the name of his or her teacher without prefacing it with an appropriate title like professor, doctor, sir, madam, etc. even when the teacher is not present. Under no circumstances should a student mimic his teacher's speech or walk or dress. And by criticizing her/his teacher, even if justifiably, the student will become an ass in her/his next life. And if the teacher is defamed, the defamer will be reborn as a dog. Your situation clearly illustrates the temptations that exist when students live with their professors, especially if the latter are married to younger wives. It is a problem that plagues graduate schools around the world, and unfortunately all too many male graduate students do not realize the dangers of sleeping with their professors' wives and mistresses. The consequences, of course, which first appear at death are realized only long after the degree and eventual promotion and tenure have been attained. You are fortunate that Prof Banduhri informed you of the implications of your transgression in time for you to address them. Your transgression is one of the most important ones identified in the ancient Laws of Manu under the heading “violation by the student of his Guru's bed” Book XI # 104-106. That a future sequence of lives as a carrion beetle may well await you is a very real possibility. However, this need not necessarily be the case, for the Laws do prescribe certain practices and measures that can be undertaken to avoid the negative karma arising from your action One possibility according to the Laws (#104) would be to publicly confess your crime and then stretch yourself our on a heated iron bed, or embrace a life-size statue of a woman that has been heated until it glows red.. In both cases death should result, but your spirit will have been purified. There are problems associated with both of these solutions, e.g., heating the bed frame until it is hot enough may well set other furniture in the house afire, and female statues that can be heated to such temperatures are very rare outside of foundries. For the above reasons, the miscreant who has violated his Guru's bed might find it easier (Manu # 105) to sever his 'organ' and his 'testicles' and with these in his outstretched hands walk in a south-westerly direction until he falls down dead. If you choose this solution, perhaps you could ask a close friend to assist you--another biologist with surgical or specimen dissecting experience. Such a friend could also insure that you are walking in the correct direction. Again, though the cure would seem to be rather harsh, it is still preferable to the karmic consequences of the initial transgression. There is a another possibility mentioned in the Laws, (#106) but its efficacy, according to reports that I have heard, is less certain. It entails carrying the foot end of a bedstead, dressing completely in clothing made from tree bark, letting your beard grow, and retreating for an entire year in isolation into a deep forest, living there on berries and gruel eaten once a day. Should you select this possibility, I would caution you in advance that there is a chance of developing a severe rash from the tree bark as well as sore muscles from carrying the bed stead about. Neither of these conditions is to be treated in any way. Incidentally, I am also told by my authorities that under no circumstances is the scratching of any itching that occurs permitted. So, my young friend, you can see there is hope after all. I trust that your example will prove a warning to all graduate students who read my column. Sincerely, Dr. Geyges. |