Breaking the News to See What's Inside!

Volume 3 Issue 3

PURGAMENTUM INIT, EXIT PURGAMENTUM

Semptember 2005

CURRENT ISSUE

ARCHIVES

ADVERTISING

SUBSCRIPTIONS

WHO DO WE THINK WE ARE?

NOT FEATURED

Full List of Articles in Vol. 3 Iss. 3 BUY THIS ISSUE Editorial: From the Editorial Dusk READ National/World News: New Racial Group Identified in Wake of Katrina READ White House Rallies in Face of Katrina Criticism READ Bush Calls on Nation to Sacrifice Pullout from Texas Revives Oslo Accords and Hopes for Middle West Alaska State News: Fairbanks Burro Ass- embly Earns Award READ Noah's Ark Discovered in Fairbanks Addvice & Entertainment: Dr. Geyges Advises: Dr. G's Guide for the Perplexed READ

From the Cabbage Editorial Dusk A recent constructive editorial feedback session took a turn for the worse when Editor Ernesto “Che” Cavolo responded to a request for minor radical overhaul of his editorial with a shout of “No Way!” Mr. Cavolo stormed out of the offices, and soon found himself locked in the outhouse and unable to complete his traditional “Unsound Bites.” Instead, we bring you a guest editorial from a far more friendly author than Mr. No Way! - namely Mr. Yahweh. Below is an excerpt of Mr. Yahweh's successful Book of Genesis 4:1 - 4:21 (give or take a few minutes). Enjoy! Selma Sole - Managing Editor 4:1 And Able was a keeper of sheep and cattle and pork, but Cane was a tiller of the ground. 4:3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cane brought of the salt of the earth and grassroots as an offering unto the LORD of the House of White. 4:4 And Able, he brought of the firstlings of his litter of pork and of the fat thereof. And the LORD of the House of White had respect unto Able and to his offering. 4:5 But unto Cane and to his offering of grassroots he had not respect. And Cane was very wroth, and his countenance fell. 4:6 And the LORD of the House of White said unto Cane, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? 4:7 If thou derivest lucre, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not lucre, sin lieth at thine door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and over thou shalt he rule. 4:8 And the LORD of the House of White bid Cane hurry onto his brother to ask forgiveness of Able and pay tribute unto him. 4:9 And hurry Cane did unto Able his brother, for he beheld the flesh had corrupted his way upon earth. 4:10 And it came to pass that in his hurryCain rose up against all flesh and said behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh. 4:11 But Able found grace in the eyes of the LORD of the House of White; and the LORD spake unto him: 4:12 Make thee an ark of the richness of oil of the ground; and with oil thou shalt anoint it within, and without with oil, for naught shall be without oil. 4:13 And, behold, for a flood of waters will be brought upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die. 4:14 But with thee will I establish my covenant; Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation. 4:15 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female in wedlock, and pure white they shall be, and graced in riches: 4:16 Of beasts that are not clean thou shalt take to thee by two, the male and his female in wedlock; and bowed shall they be, and dark of hue, and take them thou shalt in the bowels of thine ark, stacked one atop the other. 4:16 Of fouls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female in wedlock; to keep the seed of the right alive upon the face of all the earth. 4:17 In the selfsame day Able went, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark because of the waters of the flood; they, and every beast after his kind, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life. 4:18 And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lifted up above the earth. And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and after the end of one hundred and fifty days the waters were abated. 4:19 And the LORD of the House of White spake unto Able, saying, Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons' wives with thee, for thine is the holy burden to build anew, the holi burton to be fruitful in wedlock and multiply; thine is the haliburton to replenish the earth. 4:20 And the LORD of the House of White blessed Able and said, Behold, thou shalt keep the everlasting covenant with thine Halliburton. 4:21 And the LORD of the House of White saw that it was good.