Full List of Articles in Vol. 2 Iss. 2
BUY THIS ISSUE
Editorials:
Another Glass of Port, Pleaseand
No Such Thing as Bad Publicity
National/World News:
Between Iraq and a Hard Place
Rice on Back Burner after 911 Testymony
Bush Vows to Protect Nation from Tourism
US & North Korea Win "Big Brother Little Brother" Award
US & Chinese Leaders Summit Up
Alaska State News:
Bored of Game Wraps up Annual Meeting
Fairbanks Burro Assembly Trustworthy Again
Analysis & Advice:
Gibbon's Passion Seeks Truth About Jesus
Dr. Geyges Advises:
Dr. G's Guide for the Perplexed
|
Che Cavolo's Editorial:
No Such Thing as Bad Publicity
READ EDITORIAL
National/World News:
Bush Vows to Protect Nation from Tourism
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a rare press conference last night President George W. Bush promised to protect America from the “the scourge of tourism.” The president said that tourists, whom he repeatedly characterized as “evil doers,” are known to be lurking throughout America and across the
globe.
“Tourism knows no boundaries,” Bush stated. “The tourists can be found anywhere. They operate in cells known as tour groups, moving quickly from town to town, often staying in different hotels each night...
READ MORE |
Alaska News:
Alaska’s Bored of Game Wraps up Annual Meeting
FAIRBANKS - The Alaska State Bored of Game wound up its annual meeting here in Fairbanks yesterday after passing a resolution which calls for the phasing out of all wildlife in Alaska over the next five years. Game Bored head Butch R. Mann told reporters, “By taking this step we are assuring all Alaskans access to the protein they presently lack in their diets. By taking one look at your average Alaskan, anyone would agree that folks here are severely undernourished.” Mann added that this policy would also “bring an end to the state's long-running dispute with animal rights activists and environmentalists.”
The meeting, which was punctuated by hearty shouts of “yee-haw” and “hell-yeah” by attendees, was called by His Royal Highness Governor Frank Smirkowski to find ways of overcoming the wildlife imbalances which resulted from eight years of mismanagement by the previous administration headed by known bunny-hugger Stony Knolls. “After nearly a decade in which sportsmen were deprived of all their human rights by the Marxist-Leninist policies of my predecessor, Alaskans can finally get down to the business of killing things...
READ MORE |
Analysis/Advice:
Gibbon’s Passion Seeks Truth About Jesus
The entire world would surely agree that it is, indeed, the greatest story ever told, though the definitions of “story” would doubtlessly run the dictionary gamut, from “news article” to “romantic legend” to “a lie.” Everyone would also agree that the story of Jesus has had a transforming impact on the world, launching a wildly successful religion that deserves a place of honor in the Used-Car Salesman Hall of Fame: No matter whether you wish to love, kill, embrace, discriminate, feed the poor or nuke a nation, Christianity can be your religion and moral underpinning. It's like being able to sell a used FIAT Fiasco to both Mother Theresa (even in her present condition) and John Arschcroft.
The story of Jesus Christ, like most religious accounts, depends on the suspension of disbelief. We must accept the incredible: from an immaculate conception, to a miraculous ability to cure ailments and give blind vision, to vanquishing life through resurrection. In fact, Christ's extraordinary final episode is so compelling that it is relived annually at Easter throughout the Western world, when a giant bunny rabbit (Jesus) hides Easter eggs (future life, the continuation of the human race) where little children (little children) can find them (find religion)....
READ MORE |
