Breaking the News to See What's Inside!
Volume 2 Issue 2 CUPIO ALAM CUNICULI CUM BRASSICA May 2004
CURRENT ISSUE ARCHIVES ADVERTISING SUBSCRIPTIONS WHO DO WE THINK WE ARE?
Full List of Articles in Vol. 2 Iss. 2
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Editorials:
Another Glass of Port, Please
and
No Such Thing as Bad Publicity
READ

National/World News:
Between Iraq and a Hard Place

Rice on Back Burner after 911 Testymony

Bush Vows to Protect Nation from Tourism
READ

US & North Korea Win "Big Brother Little Brother" Award

US & Chinese Leaders Summit Up

Alaska State News:
Bored of Game Wraps up Annual Meeting
READ

Fairbanks Burro Assembly Trustworthy Again

Analysis & Advice:
Gibbon's Passion Seeks Truth About Jesus
READ

Dr. Geyges Advises:
Dr. G's Guide for the Perplexed
UNSOUND BITES
Another Glass of Port, Please

Media outlets around the nation try to emulate The Giant Cabbage the same way Saddam tried to build weapons of mass destruction to hand to Ai!Querida so it could destroy the Holey United States. We generally do not take note of sycophantic displays, but the Associated Press's pre-emptive immolation of our own review of The Passion is worthy of mention:

Datelined “Glassport, PA, April 8, 7:58 am ADT” (in case you wish to look it up), the article describes how the Glassport Assembly of God “trying to teach about Jesus' crucifixion performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter Bunny and breaking eggs.” Apparently, toddlers in Glassport had their first crises of faith. “He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped,” said a mom about her 4-year-old.

According to the AP, the church's youth minister, Patty Bickerton, defended the performance: “We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ.” Since our whole existence, according to good Christians, is about Jesus Christ, we can't wait to see the logical next step in Glassport, where, presumably it takes a lot more than just one glass to get through the day.




No Such Thing as Bad Publicity
Achieving Warhol's proverbial fifteen minutes of fame requires relaxing standards and thinking creatively. The possibilities are endless: get caught robbing a bank, streak through town, go down the Niagra Falls in a barrel, appear as a guest on Jerry Springer, join government... Not everything works: Getting yourself spectacularly killed in Iraq will only get you swept under the Pentagon carpet, far from the eyes of any media. The most common way of failing, however, is to lead a decent, honest, and respectful life.

While I generally shun the limelight, I also take my responsibilities to The Giant Cabbage advertisers very seriously. This photo comes from my latest foray in public, where I drew far more media attention than those about me who pursue lives of quiet desperation, or, as Henry David Thoreau described them, the “mass of men who pay to have corporate logos on their clothing,” the people who never have their fifteen minutes of fame.

Che