EDITORIAL:
Full List of Articles in Vol. 1 Issue 7
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National/World News:
Media Mogul Rupert Murdoch Favored to Succeed John Paul II
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Aftermath of the Gubernatorial Recall Election: Millions Flock to the New Reich of Kaliförnia
Local Mechanic Wins Coveted Presidential BASHTHEM Award
$20 Bill Color Change Resolves Philosophical Quandary
Alaska State News:
Civic Group Advocates Balancing Alaska's Budget by Investing in Underworld Activities
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Trying Days at the Troubled FNSB Assembly of Toddlers
Language/
Advice:
Disney's Paradox and the Scatology of Consumerism
Dr. Geyges Advises:
Dr. G's Guide for the Perplexed
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Unsound Bites
Living Among the Omegas
Aldous Huxley’s utopia foresaw a rosy future in which humans happily inhabited levels Alpha through Delta in society. Our Brave New World Order surpasses Huxley’s wildest dreams, as people have reached all the way to Omega, where an awful lot of them reside. Despite this hopeful picture of humanity, not all is well. You may have seen the extremely disturbing poll by the Program on International Policy that found 80% of Fox TV viewers believed one of the major canards heralded by the Bush administration: that Saddam and Al'Quaeda were in bed together, that weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq, and that world opinion supported Bush's war. I am surprised I don't find more people incensed by it! If only 80% believed thus, it meant a full 20% were... Well, what were they thinking? Or, better said, what were those 20% doing thinking!? It makes neither economic nor political sense to be thinking. Our country's democratic division of labor is perfect: We cast votes every couple of years, and then the leaders we elect (unless they are determined by some superceding process) think and make the decisions. For anyone to be thinking and voicing concerns violates both our country's free-market and democratic underpinnings.
I won't even stoop down to speak of the astounding 80% of PBS audience members who refuted the truths revealed by the White House about Iraq, other than to note that this anarcho-communist broadcasting organization needs to speed up its transition to a free-market system lest it be found to be linked to Ai'Querida and other terrorists. It is worth noting that the percentage of PBS folks who did believe the Bush truths (20%) is approximately equal to the percentage of advertising PBS broadcasts (the same believers-to-ads relationship holds true for Fox). And to be fair, we must give kudos to PBS for airing hours each day of investment and pharmaceutical company advertising under its high-brow banner of “commercial-free” media.
We need to remember that advertising is the cornerstone of democracy and freedom. Election polls and media surveys show that voters base their decisions primarily on information provided by advertisement (to the point that local election news coverage has become obsolete). In fact, the Freedom of Information Act demands that PBS open its floodgates to advertising as modeled by Fox TV, the national flagship of news and information, which has found a fair and balanced recipe for educating citizens: Information-rich commercials and morally edifying entertainment programs, occasionally interrupted by styled and radiant news announcers whose bobbing heads lead viewers though repetitive jingles in praise of the administration and militarism.
Only through valiant efforts like Fox’s and its close followers, MSNBC and CNN, can wayward members of the public be steered back to solid ground enshrined in our Founding Fathers' hallowed documents [see photo]. But the war for the hearts and minds of Americans is not won. Despite his constant invocation of God and couching his messages in the Hollywood-style complexities of good vs. evil, President Bush's approval ratings are dropping. Even more alarming are some poll results. Last year, National Geographic found that while over 85% of Americans aged 18-24 could not point to Iraq or Israel on a world map, only 11% could not find the United States. Key national security issues like market globalization and free-trade agreements can not be subject to the whims of those other 89%.
We must remember to be patient--our Brave New World Order could not be created on September 12. It takes time, and we must recognize and support positive changes. This issue of The Giant Cabbage sees hope in developments both in the Reich of Kaliförnia and at the Vatican. With an increasing number of Americans receiving their information from appropriate news sources, democracy will ensure that these do not remain isolated victories.
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Editor Ernesto “Che” Cavolo mourning
on the Dia de Los Muertos.
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